PROFESSOR MORIARTY, THIS GUY AIN’T!

(OR HOW BROKEN BRITAIN SAVED A WOMAN'S LIFE.)

Actually that's a bit wrong actually because it didn't save her at all (Although the main bit is certainly right!)  In reality it should read how out lazy Western attitude stopped a woman from being killed because a recent headline has really brought home how lazy can't-be-arsed a society we have become, BUT ALSO, how, for a change, that resulted in something good happening, well, not good, but at least not terrible.


NOW, many of you may or may not have heard of the recent case of Michelina Lewandowska, who escaped from a grave in woods near Huddersfield.  She was placed in the grave by her partner, Marcin Kasprzak, after attacking her with a gun at their home in Penistone Road, Huddersfield on 28 May (Why is the date so important?  I will get to that.)


Now all of this is tragic and not the least bit funny of course.  Miss Lewandowska has been through a terrifying ordeal and there is nothing funny or intriguing about what has occurred ...until one considers the intricacies of the case.


Firstly, the gun.  Now obviously if you really hate someone and decide to partake in a criminal enterprise to get rid of them, presumably, you're gonna try and get yourself a piece, a rod, a sidey, a silencer, a leedle friend, or, to use a simple term (or the proper one!) A GUN!  Yes, it's tricky, yes, you may inadvertently attract the authorities BUT if you're planning on killing someone you might as well go the whole hog, right?


But not this guy.  No, in broken Britain why do a job properly?  Nah.  What did this guy get to finish off his former partner that he hated with a passion?  A stun gun.  Why make the effort of having to clean blood up when you can just stun her instead, right?  So, now that she's stunned and not dead he must have a different plan to dispose of her, and so he did.  The fiendish next step in this dastardly scheme was to bury her alive so she never saw the light of day again.  Super-evil cartoon mega-villainy I'm sure you'll agree, BUT if that really was the case then I wouldn't have making this blog entry.


Secondly, the grave.  Now, if I hated someone, I mean really hated someone enough to KILL them, then I wouldn't leave it to chance.  I would put them somewhere I figure they'd never be found.  I think most of us would; scope around, find somewhere ultra secluded where no-one would ever come looking, dig a deep, deep hole and then, sadly for them, make my move.  But not this clown.  Oh no.  Mister preparation here is a symptom of our lazy-ass want everything now culture.  He couldn't dig a deep deep hole and for obvious reasons . . . May 28th was a SATURDAY!  When he was preparing his trap for his partner it was a Saturday, and who wants to work on a Saturday?  Especially when it's voluntary work.  Pffff!  Truth is, no-one wants to work on a Saturday, especially when it's hard labour AND voluntary.  A few feet will do.


And then we come down to the final act of stupidity for this wannabe killer and the final damning indictment on just how badly things have gotten in this unskilled land of ours, because obviously if you're gonna bury someone then the last thing you want to happen is for them to get out of the container you've got for them.  Now don't get my wrong, I am not belittling this woman's plight.  If she woke up in any kind of container underground it must have been terrifying for her (at times like this I'm always reminded of the story about the guy in prison who the undertaker agrees to smuggle out by putting him in a coffin of someone who's recently died and then dig him up later.  That night he gets in the coffin with the body, waits, gets buried and only when everyone goes does he discover he's buried with the undertaker.  AAAAGGGH!) but of course she needn't have worried.  It would seem that when she was picking boyfriends she selected someone who was one egg short of a dozen.


So in what container did he decide to smuggle her out?  Coffin would have been the obvious choice, falling that a self made box with well fitted joints to prevent escape (forty years ago I imagine most men would've been able to construct such a box.  Who'd have thought I'd wind up bemoaning about the good old days but in a non-racist way!) but this is unskilled lazy Britain, and making a box was just too much effort, so what did he put her in . . . A cardboard box.  


Yep!  Clearly spending extra money on petrol for the additional weight of the box was not on this guy's agenda, and then of course there's the money on getting a roof rack too.  No, best leave that, after all as the old saying goes "You can't solve problems just by throwing money at them".  But clearly money spent on a decent box and fuel in this case would've made this woman's problems a lot worse.


What also would've made this woman's problems a lot worse is if her partner had bothered to take THE ENGAGEMENT RING off her finger, because if I was gonna murder someone the first thing I do is leave several hundred quid (Maybe even thousand of pounds) of engagement ring buried in the ground!  But clearly this guy was not the shiniest button on the jacket.  No, he is a sad sad indictment of society today, a lazy shiftless world, where putting time in and making an effort is just not worth it, BUT, thankfully for her, it is precisely this lazy self-absorbed attitude that probably saved her life.


So what for our villain and his accomplice (That I have failed to mention so far) in this case?  Well, it's probably prison for them, and you know what?  That's probably a good thing.  Think about it.  They can laze around in bed most days, mooch around, watch TV, true the work programs will probably be a bit of a nightmare for them, but other than that they should be fine, BUT, the main reason why prison won't be such a bad place for these guys is that, unlike anyone else, you know that these guys are that lazy, that there isn't even the remotest chance of them ever bending over to pick up the soap.


Thanks for reading and enjoy my other posts.


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