MEMORIES ARE SHORT BUT REALITY ALWAYS WINS OUT IN THE END, CHRIS WADDLE.

When one reads the reviews for the film “JACK REACHER” one would think Tom Cruise had made a film where he rips each page out of the novel and wipes his arse with it.  Of course many critics rip into the height difference between Cruise and Reacher, hell even the hair colour is different.  I mean why doesn’t Cruise portray characters more like his own height like Humphrey Bogart did in the old days, right?

WRONG!!!

Bogart played Sam Spade in the classic movie “THE MALTESE FALCON” but in the novel Sam Spade is blonde and 6 feet tall.  You see that’s the thing about memory, it tends to let people down, people rewrite history until it fits what they think it is and very rarely do we see things as they are until way after the fact.

For example, in the seventies ABBA were regarded as good, in the late eighties crap and from the nineties onward, good.  The same is true of The Bee Gees and now David Beckham, in a sporting capacity, is going through what ABBA and The Bee Gees went through earlier with Chris Waddle stating that Beckham wouldn’t be considered in the top 1000 Premiership players or players of the last fifty years, or twenty years (Jesus, Chris, talk about moving the goalposts, just pick one!) a bandwagon that many people have also jumped on, no doubt while burning ABBA and Bee Gees records while stating why The Arctic Monkeys will have far more cultural significance than either of those groups in twenty years time.  Many people reluctantly point out that he made the most of what he had, that all he could do was cross the ball, had some dead-ball skills, but that was it and the rest was all just PR, hype and branding.

I hate PR, I don’t particularly like hype and I goddamn hate branding!

I would not buy a perfume because some over-paid star had their fisog on it, I detest the way celebs are used to get people to part with their hard-earned cash.

So therefore if I was to offer a different opinion on the issue to the learned Mister Waddle I would have to feel pretty confident in that opinion.  Chris is, or was, a highly-rated pundit and I do not wish to pour scorn on his view-point as he is far better placed than me, Mister Chatable, to know what does and does not make a great, or even, world-class player.  But, as I said, memory can be affected by many things, I have seen it myself with footballers over the last twenty years, as pundits and newspapermen come up with stuff that now seems like madness.  In fact it wasn’t that long ago that various bods in the press were saying the Alan Shearer shouldn’t be playing and that Andy Cole should take his place on a regular basis.  Of course now, with what we know looking back, we recognise this for the bollocks it was, but often people’s judgement gets clouded, by a desire for instant results at the time, and later also plain old dislike and jealousy.

The haters all look at why he shouldn’t be included as one of the top players, BUT, let’s do the opposite, let’s look at why he should?

Let’s analyze what makes a great player, but wait, we can’t, because on that pitch their are 11 players and each one needs different skills to be good at their job.  For example, Chris Waddle would probably say that Zinedine Zidane was a better player than Claude Makelele.  Zidane had a bucketful of tricks up his sleeve and was one of the most skillful players the game has even seen and probably the best I have seen in my lifetime.  But without Makelele at Madrid, the trophies dried-up for Zidane.  Makelele wasn’t a trickster or a wizard and he wasn’t particularly pacey BUT, he could really pass the ball and he had vision.  

Vision is something that most of the great players have, the ability to see what will happen before it does.  Beckham had that.

The ability to pass the ball and dead-ball skills are things that Waddle mentions glibly, almost as though they should be ignored and forgotten, the great thing about this as far as Beckham is concerned is that the England team in his absence proved just how much of a skill this is as a largely Beckham-less England forgot how to pass a ball, seemed to lose the ability to take corners and made free-kicks seem like something from the other team to take the ball back and score from.  MacLaren may have wanted to show the press he was his own man by dropping Beckham (and after a couple of easy wins the press where certainly all “David Who?  A-ha ha ha!) but that was arguably the decision that came back to bite Stevie MacDutch in his short tenure as England manager.  

If the England team proved anything without David Beckham it was that passing and dead-ball skills were skills in themselves (even though in pictures he looks a right spanner when performing one of those free kicks, as you can see!)

And now for the last, you see, as I said at the beginning, people tend to have short memories and the one thing that I cannot forget that a lot of people have is just how intimidating he was on the pitch to the oppostion, because, like all great players, not GOOD ones, GREAT ones, they are a threat everywhere on the pitch and this was what Beckham, at the height of his skills, was and I can say this hand on heart because I just watched what was probably one of his greatest games, Germany 1 England 5.  At his best this was what made him a great player because it didn’t matter where he was, he could be a threat anywhere on the pitch almost and launch defense into attack, differently to Makelele, but just as effective.  

If you’re looking at a top England eleven in terms of positions then Becks would be in most people’s on the right of the pitch (Sorry Chris!) and if he wasn’t (in favour of sir Stan, of course!) then he would be in most people’s England top 22 for sure.

I was going to conclude this by pointing out that memory tends to be comprisable and that time would show us what was real, stripped of both PR and branding AND also the similarities between Bryan Robson and Beckham in that Robson was probably unappreciated to some degree when he was playing for England and that time would show us what we’ve missed.  Thankfully I don’t need to do that.  Last night’s friendly did that for me.  Since those heady days of 2001 we have lost far more than we’ve gained both in terms of Premiership quality and also National ability, but I’ll save that rant for another post. 

I’m Mister Chatable, I’ve been unappreciated and hated today and will certainly be so tomorrow.

A tribute to the greatest living Englishman:  Chris Waddle!

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PERFECT MOVIE MOMENTS PART 2:  ONE THAT EVERYONE I KNOW WILL PROBABLY BE SICK OF HEARING ABOUT.

I know to those people who are close to me this choice will be one they will no doubt be rolling their eyes at as it is one that I have before now.  It is the first scene after the legendary credits of a seventies blockbuster and it features one of the cleverest first lines of dialogue ever created.  It made everyone in the cinema sit up and pay attention and it was arguably the first Superhero blockbuster and eventually (VERY eventually in fact) it became the blueprint for most of the superhero films that came after.  It is of course SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE.

SUPERMAN (1978)

Now while the intro is stunning, and probably on it’s own deserves to classed as a perfect movie moment (fancy that ...Credits, as a perfect moment) with an opening musical score that is one of John Williams finest.  The score at the beginning sounds as if the Director’s notes on the opening intro just said “Go nuts!”  But it’s not my perfect movie moment, oh no, that distinction falls to the first scene past the credits which for a superhero movie was incredibly bold for this was the first time anyone had really tried to take the idea of a Superhero film seriously and so it needed to launch itself in a way that the audience would as well.  But how?

In the casting of course for Jor-El and Lex Luthor the producers cast 2 oscar-winning giant thespians in the shape of Marlon Brando (who is very good) and the Gene Hackman (who is AMAZING as Luthor in an absolute acting masterclass that is criminally under-rated!)  These two actors ground the work and take it seriously so that we take it seriously.  But that alone would not be enough, in order for the film to work the opening scene needed to have a statement of intent that the film-makers were taking the idea seriously also.

So we start with the trial of the three super-villains, Non, Ursa and General Zod, with Jor-El acting as the prosecution to the council of wise-men who govern Krypton.  All of the council, Jor-El included banish the villains to the phantom zone and send them spinning into space to be trapped forever (or so it seems).  It is a great scene and both Brando as the implacable Jor-El and Terence Stamp as General Zod give their all as both captor and captive. 

But it is the opening piece of dialogue that makes this a perfect movie moment.  The writers, director and producer clearly wanted a way to tell the audience that this wasn’t just a comic book for kids, but a serious movie idea, so how best to say that?  why, do it in the first line of course.  When Jor-El states...

“THIS IS NO FANTASY, NO CARELESS PRODUCT OF WILD IMAGINATION!”

He may be referring to the trial, but his is also saying this to us the viewer.  What we are about to witness is “SUPERMAN” as if real.  As if the world of the comic-book and ours had truly combined, it is not subtle, it is unashamedly direct and it is brilliant for it.

So without further ado or analysis, my second perfect movie moment made real.

Enjoy and please feel free to check out my other posts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfIieHxfF3o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTiTh6ViNLY

RANDOMNESS OF THE LOTTERY OR RATHER IT’S LACK OF RANDOMNESS, SEEMINGLY!

So the £80 million plus jackpot slipped through my fingers again, sadly.  Of all the seven numbers to come up at this Tuesday’s jackpot I was only seven numbers away from having the right combination to have my life changed irreparably forever, just seven numbers away from bitching about how much money ruined my life on some crappy show that is a godsend for the flatscreen industry as there must be literally thousands of people up and down the land hurling bottles at their TV’s while these lucky bastards whinge about just how much their lives have been spoiled by the cash (Boo fucking hoo!)

But this did get me thinking, you see, while I did put my regular numbers on as usual I had little hope of winning this time for one simple reason, it wasn’t my time yet.  Now before everyone starts to think “IT’S NOT MY TIME EVERY WEEK!” that isn’t what I mean.  You see every now and then I’ll win a little bit.  Every few months the numbers offer a glimmer of hope and during a window of a few weeks I seem to get a few glimmers.  It seems like luck is smiling on me and over a few weeks I may win 3 times or so, and then nothing for ages.  

Now, we are told the lottery is random and that it’s all luck, hell the same numbers could come out each week, exactly the same, but of course, they don’t, but they do seem to (for a few weeks anyway) and I wondered if anyone else appears to go through this oddly synchronous shading of fortune.  Was it just me who suffered these massive dry patches where even getting one number was problematic before hitting a mini-lucrative purple patch?  

If you know what I’m talking about please feel free to comment in the box below as I would like to know if I’m alone in this.

Thanks guys and gals.

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SOME GREAT MOVIE MOMENTS AREN’T WRITTEN ON THE PAGE - THEY HAPPEN DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCE.

As anyone who knows me knows I love movies.  I adore these stories, often revisited and enjoyed so many times over the decades that I have lost count of the amounts of times I have watched some of them, but like anything movies can be broken down further, and very often it can be one scene in particular that pulses like the beating heart of the movie or captivates audiences in a way that in some cases wasn’t expected at first, like as an off-the-cuff example, the sword scene in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK,  a scene borne out of Harrison Ford’s need to recover from being ill that, for many people, in spite of all the other class stuff in there, is probably the most memorable moment as it embodies Indiana so well as you can see...

BUT that isn’t the moment I want to talk about, oh no, that is a mere example of what I want to discuss.  You see, the perfect movie moment I want to share with you all today is from an absolute classic, it’s a best picture winner that, I feel at least, needed to win to let America heal from the sullying of the American dream after Watergate, it propelled Sylvester Stallone to stardom and created an Iconic movie character and amazingly enough, in spite of all the great lines, the one line it is most remembered for is “Yo, Adrian!”

The film of course is

ROCKY (1976)

And the scene is this one from 3:33 onwards.

To me the second scene, “Alone in the Ring” is a pivotal moment in the film.    It’s the heartbreaking moment when Rocky realises that although he has trained hard to shake off the feeling he is nothing, that he had tried to become the fighter that his trainer always believed he could be, his opponent and their entire camp think of him as nothing, they regard him as a distraction until better fighters can come along.  After Jurgens tells him it to "Try and get some rest, kid!"  Rokcy tries to speak but can't and merely nods, disconsolately.  It is a heartbreaking moment in the film and leads to the scene with Adrian where he talks about what he’s going to do and why?

The direction, the writing, the performances and the music in this moment in the ring all sync to create this incredible mood and powerful counterpoint to the film as it drags us back into reality of this no-hoper fighting the champ.  It is truly an excellent scene.

BUT ...More importantly as I found out today, it was also not in the original script.

The scene was apparently written after the art for Rocky was done and they had “Got the shorts wrong”.  Being a low-budget picture they couldn’t afford to have the artwork redone and so created this scene, which to me is amazing.  What was in its place within the script at this point?  How was the pathos before the fight created?  WTF, man?

Now I am a big fan of movie writing and this blew my mind.  Most of my favourite comedies are from scripts that are so tightly constructed and gag-packed that you cannot imagine that any of it was improvised when they went to the filming stage (examples being “DUCK SOUP’, “PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM”, “BLAZING SADDLES” and “AIRPLANE”) and so for the beating heart from “ROCKY” just to be created because someone had done the painting wrong made me re-think this.

You see that’s the thing about Movies, like all writing, like all creative thinking in fact, it’s all improvised, from the first tap of the keys to the first-brush stroke, to the first smashing of the chisel against the marble.  The writer is a collaborative tool in the process of the creation of a movie, and, as it is a collaborative effort, it is only fitting that sometimes, just sometimes, it is circumstances and happenstance that create these perfect movie moments and not a writer sitting in a darkened room happily smashing away at the keys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YyBtMxZgQs

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WHY WE TRAIN?  A QUESTION ASKED AND AN ANSWER GIVEN.

Most people that weight train know that the best time to build muscle is between 18 to 35, after that you still can but it gets harder and you’re more prone to injury and trust me I know how that feels.

The other Sunday I had what can only be described as a monster training session, at the end of which my muscles were rippling and the vein’s popping down my arm, by the end of the workout I felt like THOR after a combined total lifts of over 8oolbs! (I use the combined weights as they sound more impressive than the weights per exercise, and I also use lbs instead of kgs for the same reason!)  However only a few hours after watching Chelsea and Man U play one of the most dismal games of the season I found myself seizing up as if I was IRON MAN in a rusty suit.  The only word to adequately describe the pain I was in is “OW!”

And at the end of all this I asked myself the question, knowing what I know about the best years to train and how much more at risk of injury I am these days, why do it?  Why do I train still, especially as I’m never gonna be huge; my muscle insertion points and tendons prevent that to some degree and also the fact that I have work and a family and other minor distractions to contend with from becoming a full-time weight-lifter.  So why train?

I guess when I asked that I had to face some pretty awkward answers, the first reason that sprang to mind certainly was one I didn’t really want to look at “Vanity”.  I have to admit there is a definite massive enjoyment out of what I would class as “THE LOOK” immediately after training, combined with the endorphins and testosterone buzzing around yourself it is a kick that’s hard to beat.

To some degree I’d also say “Fear”.  I remember how it felt to look in the mirror at some skinny bloke when I stopped training and that feeling constantly not of what could have been but what already was.  I remember how awful that felt and I do not want to live with that again.

But there is one thing that keeps me going more than those things, a driving force that motivates me more than anything else to whether the storm of pain that greets me after a particularly hard session in the gym and that’s the viewpoints of two of the most important people in my life.

You see when my youngest boy says to me that I’m strong, I know he’s not saying it to swell my head, he’s saying it because he knows it’s true, and likewise when my eldest asks me to train him it’s not because he thinks I’m crap (although he might say that) it’s because deep down he knows that what I have built is pretty decent and he’d like to have the same if not better (when he becomes 18 I will bestow upon him the training secrets that built my frame!)  

I don’t know how many more good training years I have left in me and how long I can keep pounding the gym and straining my body without doing some terrible damage, but as long as they think highly of me I will keep moving those weights until my tendons pop and muscles seize up.  

“Ow!”

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