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Sunday, 26 August 2012


REALITY TV’S ONLY BLESSING.



Stupidity is everywhere.

About thirty, forty years ago the people in power liked to suggest that to be successful and to make money you have to be smart, with luck playing little part in such success.  For the longest time since I can remember that was the guff that was fed down from politicians and the media that if you are smart then you have a better shot at most at being successful.  People who challenged this idea were usually deemed conspiracy theory nuts, socialists or militant, left-wing, red-under-the-bed types of people, basically dangerous folk.

Then, thankfully, two things occurred over the last ten years that shattered that idea utterly.  First, was reality TV.  Now, reality TV over the last ten years showed something that to a large degree those at the top did not want everyone to see, that even if you were incredibly, let’s say, docile, you could still make an absolute fortune as long as those in the business of manipulation thought that you had marketability.  People could see that no longer where savvy and smart people earning fortunes who deserved it but lucky schmo’s with neither notable talent and in some cases even less personality.  That was the first thing that shattered the bubble of smarts at the top.



The next, of course, was the credit crunch.  

The fact that the world came to a juddering financial halt because investment banks, commercial banks and pretty much every financial institution on the planet had bought into a range of mortgages given to people with little or no means to pay showed the rest of humanity just how STUPID those at the top really where.  These were business-men and women (but basically men) who had sneered at the rest of the world as they had questioned whether they were indeed worth the gargantuan salaries that they commanded when the answer, really, was no.  

When the going was good it was all because they were super, they had brilliant business acumen and luck played no part, however, when the bad times came it was bad luck and everybody else’s fault and they should still keep all their money.

No-one went to jail for gross negligence

No-one went to jail for fraud.

The only man to admit any major wrong-doing at a bank was HSBC’s head of compliance David Bagley who resigned over compliance failures at the bank which allowed millions of drugs dollars to be laundered through the bank ...Charges have yet to brought.

So, why write about that now?  What has triggered this wave of reflection of the flaws at the top of the system?

Three things, one relates to the flaws of the financial markets, the others the failures of the media and the final relates to politics.  It has been five years since the crash when we were told lessons would be learned, not only have lessons not be learned but stupidity it seems is increasing.

The first thing that caught my eye recently was the share sale at Manchester United.  The floatation stated that the shares would be for 10% of the value of the club but the shares in voting issues would only be a 10th of the owners comparable shares meaning 10 of the “For-Sale” shares would only be worth 1 of those held by the Glaziers.  Or to put it another way, the remaining 90% stake are actually worth 98.901% control, therefore, IF, all shares have been sold, supposedly at a price of $233 million for the price of the 1.099% control of the club (And control ...Is everything) then Man United would be worth 21.203 TRILLION DOLLARS.  Yes that’s right, the stake that has been sold prices control of United at 21.203 trillion dollars, and yet, AND YET, people seemingly have still bought them.

That’s right, with only a 1.099 percent controlling stake in United investors have allegedly bought them shares, with no dividend, no real say in the running of the club and a controlling stake so small even a billionaire could afford to avoid their pitiful 10% stock, analysts have been falling over themselves NOT TO recommend this stock and yet people for some reason have decided that the ridiculous possibility that the Glazers will sell their cash-cow to some billionaire and buy up all the stock was reason to invest showing that even after the credit crunch there are still people out there with money to spare that believe in magic beans. 

Proving beyond doubt that the financial markets are as stupid as ever.



BUT, that’s just the first part, let’s look at the media’s undeniable stupidity.

In the not to distant past documentaries and more importantly political documentaries were hard-hitting, socially-aware and deliberately politically insensitive.  “World in Action” and “Panorama” led the charge to show the country exactly what was wrong with it, who in power my have been abusing it and exactly what special interests were in play to stop the movement of genuine democracy.  While they may not have won much and their victories may have been fleeting we knew through these shows, and later Channel 4’s excellent “Dispatches” what was going on and when it was bad who was to blame.

Cut to now, five years after the credit-crunch with nothing really changing for anyone at the bottom of the pile other than now there are benefit reductions, minimum wage reductions and regional pay all with the lower and middle classes (Both in and out of work) being squeezed for every penny, meanwhile journalists on TV news channels remained baffled as to why the market forces won’t rebalance after the crash, what could be causing this recession to become a depression, what is going wrong with our monetary system?  For them it is a complete mystery ...Oh and by the way in other news the world’s super-rich have squirreled away 21 trillion dollars over the last few years in non-taxable foreign bank accounts but back to the markets and the mystery of why they’re not rebalancing. 

Oh I’m sorry, what was that you just said?  

Yes, the super-rich according to a recent report, had stashed away 21 trillion dollars or to put it in a way that’s easy to understand about a third of the world’s annual wealth output (60 trillion dollars).  Now I have little doubt that the media back in the day would have seen these two little bits of info, the world still in recession and dire economic trouble and the hiding of 21 trillion and been able to put the pieces together but our current breed of investigative journo’s, well...  

In the past in the times of “Panorama” (In it’s heyday) and “World-in-Action” documentary makers for the small-screen were a bold and intrepid bunch.  This was the age were two journalists uncovered the WATERGATE scandal, it surprises me that the new breed can find their own garden gates.  To those with intuitive minds and an ability to see what is going on we can see that the inability to rebalance may well be caused by the removal of funds from the financial cycles by the super-rich, something that those in the media just cannot see.



AND FINALLY

The politicians, the very people who govern us who tell us they know how to get rid of our problems and make everything all better, like the financial world they delight in telling us everything going well is all their doing and everything going bad is someone else’s fault.  NOW recently Mitt Romney made the announcement of his running mate in the upcoming presidential election, the supposedly fiscal conservative Paul Ryan.  Now much has been made of his PATH TO PROSPERITY and how he plans to bring America back into balance.  Is this by finally paying off their ever increasing debts and building an America and even a world where the excesses of the world’s financial behemoths would finally be a thing of the past.

Of course not.

The big plan is to tackle those troublesome payments that legally they have to make like social security and pensions.  The plan is to privatise social security, replace pensions with food vouchers and “reform” the medical aid to the elderly and the poor, no doubt to promote what they always talk about as being trickle down economics where the wealth from the top trickles down through the rest of the economy. 

From what has been said I have no doubt that the Republicans have a buyer for the “Burden” of social security who state that they will do it cheaper and give less to these “Freeloaders” to get America working again (or should that be work harder for less?) 

Private businesses running social security ...Mmmm.

Lessons learned after the crash ...zero.

Let us imagine just how this will work in practicality, it will be a business running social security and not a charity therefore I would think that under the American work ethic this will mean bonuses not for the number of people who are served but for the number of people denied social security, if ever there was a good example of how a privatised social security system would work then that would be ...er ...Here ...In the UK.

PPI was devised as a way for the banks to protect themselves against the risk of unemployment for people who they were giving unsecured loans.  Problem was with them being banks and being businesses they wanted to do all they could to prevent themselves paying out.  This meant that said insurance was on various occasions useless, one time in my role as a debt counsellor I dealt with someone who had taken the insurance out to protect against unemployment and was denied payment because he was made redundant and not unemployed (?????) 

This is how I would wager America’s new social security working ALSO with payments operating as loans rather than benefits with interest added when people return to work (or if they do).

BUT, if America ever wanted a wake-up call to privatised care over public care it need only look of course at its very privatised health system.  Comparative to the systems of Japan, Canada, Germany and France, whose models are based on a system of care free for citizens at point of entry, the US health service falls short on life expectancy, INFANT MORTALITY (This one really annoys me!) cost per person and cost against GDP.  In short America pays way more for a service that is on average inferior to most of its competitors AND THIS is, no doubt, what will be brought to social security.

Tax cuts at the top and income cuts at the bottom will lead only to one thing ...recession.  Bad as the US’s debt problems are what every country across the globe has failed to figure is that economies tend to grow from the bottom up not the top down, politicians have to constantly balance out tough choices to make sure asset prices don’t out-strip income, they have to watch that the economy doesn’t overheat in-terms of wage inflation and most importantly of all they must have balance.  Gear to much to the bottom and wage-inflation causes the economy to stall, gear too much to the top and you guarantee bad things will happen as the bottom is what drives the economy.  

If people at the bottom cannot buy then people at the top cannot sell.  It is not trickle down it is growth from the bottom up.

Sadly we live in a world where these things are not only not discussed they are routinely ignored to present a world of trickle-down economics that not only doesn’t exist, but never existed, where the wealthy corporations pay party donations so they get what they want and through corporate advertising the media also turn their heads to what is actually happening?

I’ve been Mister Chatable.  Thanks for listening world.

Saturday, 25 August 2012


THE TOP TEN SONGS THAT SHOULD HAVE GOT TO NUMBER ONE

I’m sure everyone at some stage in their lives, even those whose music tastes are, shall we see, eccentric, get seduced by a pop song, a piece of music so mainstream that they feel, perhaps, embarrassed for liking it, but then, BUT THEN, the unthinkable happens and said piece of music incredibly, perhaps unjustifiably, doesn’t make it to the top spot.  It seems almost unthinkable that this could happen but happen it does.  Sometimes the act in question sinks without trace unable to scale such heights again and other times they get a sympathy vote with their next single and make it to the top with what is largely an inferior song, whatever happens though it really can’t take away the injustice of a class or even a classic song getting to the top spot, SO, with that in mind here are my top ten classic songs that should have made number one but didn’t. 

ps.  Listen with headphones on to really appreciate.


10 - THE BEATLES - PLEASE PLEASE ME.  The ultimate boy-band’s second single and one of the big bees in my bonnet.  A metaphor for oral sex? ...You decide, but certainly one of the sexiest songs ever produced by a mainstream outfit at this time when one considers the lyrics.  This was their second release before they had a run of eleven consecutive number ones in a row, a number of them million sellers, but for me this is probably their smartest lyric from that time that reflected John Lennon’s love of clever lyrics and wordplay that would continue throughout his time with the Beatles.  



9 - ULTRAVOX - VIENNA.  Perhaps the most famous nearly a number one song ever made, held back from the top spot by Joe Dolce’s Musical Theatre with Shaddap you face.  Since then it’s been popularly bandied about on every nostalgic show ever since about how unjust it was.  To some degree I agree that it wasn’t necessarily proper that such a song held it from the top spot but I think their are other songs who deserve to be higher on the list.




8 - BEE GEES - HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE.  The Bee Gees biggest seller in the UK (recorded by them) but amazingly only got to number four in the chart.  It has since been at number one recorded by Take That and is probably most people’s favourite Bee Gees track.  The love song from the epic disco soundtrack that was “SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER” (Even I have a copy) and on a record that holds so many great songs this still manages to be one of the stand out tracks.  Making number eight and in a top ten this awesome is no mean feat in itself.



7 - QUEEN - WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS.  In the seventies and eighties Queen seemed to hit the number 2 spot with great songs so often that it wasn’t even funny.  This little doozy of a track that had been adopted by sports teams the world over and is one of those songs that is guaranteed to get a crowd singing along to the anthemic chorus the world over.  Stopped from getting to the number one spot by those Swedish songsters ABBA with “NAME OF THE GAME” it secures it’s place on my top ten of should-have-beens.  I always wished that, upon Freddie’s death, they had released it as part of an EP along with “BOHEMIAN” and “DAYS OF”.  Ah well.   



6 - TAKE THAT - THE FLOOD.  Standing, on the edge of forever, and sadly this will be standing at the edge of forever, forever as it never managed to hit the top spot.  While Progress dominated the album charts the single could only peak at number 2, being held off the top spot by Rihanna’s “ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD” (I think now on reflection that probably seems stupid but we’re gonna meet a few more of those in the next paragraphs.)  An outstanding single that gets the heart-racing and even though the lyrics are utter nonsense will probably still have everyone singing along to it, rather than channel-hopping when Rihanna starts warbling out ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD.  Whatever, Rihanna, whatever.



5 -  QUEEN - DON’T STOP ME NOW.  Perhaps the ultimate feel good song as so ably demonstrated by the UK’s medal winning team in the recent video, this was one of those songs that definitely classes as being unappreciated at the time, only managed to stumble up to number 9 in the UK charts (and number 86 in America) it has since become one of Queen’s most popular songs and one that like “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS” has the ability to get everyone singing along.  No doubt helped by it’s positioning on Queens legendary “GREATEST HITS” album (It’s track 7 which seems to be many Albums high points ...Have a flick though your collection, check it out) it is finally regarded as the great song that it should be.  



4 - PHIL COLLINS - AGAINST ALL ODDS (TAKE A LOOK AT ME NOW).  Phil Collins?  You’re having a fucking giraffe aren’t you?  Hear me out though.  Around this time Collins was flying with Genesis after Peter Gabriel had left and was starting to make some serious headway as an solo artist, especially in the album charts with “FACE VALUE” and “HELLO, I MUST BE GOING” before eventually going massive with “NO JACKET REQUIRED” but in order to get to that stage he needed a big song, and this was it.  From the film AGAINST ALL ODDS which most people have never seen but this is what people remember, the song, sang with such passion and emotion that it drags you into the drama of it, but really it only getting to number 2 isn’t the big injustice.  No, it’s the fact that it has since gone to the top spot sung by WESTLIFE and MARIAH CAREY ...And when you hear that version you finally understand just how good the original version was.




3 - A-HA - TAKE ON ME - This for me is where this list all begins.  True I probably liked songs before that had failed to make it to the number one slot, but this is the first time I was really outraged by it.  A-Ha came out of nowhere in 1985 with a fast-paced synthi-pop style and a pop video that once seen was always remembered.  The song was one that I instantly fell in love with as a pubescent teenager and was popular with everyone I knew.  It was a song that was destined for number one and across the world it was grabbing and holding onto the number one spot with a vengeance, that is, everywhere except the UK.  Unfortunately the UK had fallen in the grip of a love of love affair with “THE POWER OF LOVE” by JENNIFER RUSH, a million-selling operatic monster that still to this day I cannot bear to listen to.  A song that seemed to be bought by Dad’s for Mum’s everywhere even though they couldn’t stand it themselves.  A truly awful song that stopped one of my favourite songs from making the deserved top spot.  For that I can never forgive "THE POWER OF LOVE" but still in spite of that obvious injustice it only makes it to number 3 on my list.    



2..  COLDPLAY - SPEED OF SOUND.  How long before I get in, before it starts before I begin?  Well about now actually.  Coldplay are very much marmite of music, and no, not because their songs are about yeast extract but because you either like them or you don’t, myself, I obviously fit into the pro-marmite camp and after a number of top ten hits they came out with the album "X AND Y" (I don’t personally think it’s their best album and prefer "VIVA LA VIDA", myself) and the stand-out, or rather outstanding, first single “SPEED OF SOUND”.  It was a big song, brash bold, epic feeling and when it was released it was like it was the song they had always wanted to create to secure their first number one and it should have been if not for the same thing that had done in Ultravox years earlier ...The novelty anomaly.  CRAZY FROG “AXEL F” is so bad it makes “SHADDUP YOU FACE” seem like “BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY” such is its awfulness.  If you do your best work and are beaten there is no shame in it, but to be beaten by something as awful as CRAZY FROG is, well, just awful.




So, if COLDPLAY only made number 2 (again) then what could possibly have made number one?  Well it’s an all-time classic written in an inspired frame of mind.  It is the one and only...


1 - THE BEACH BOYS - GOD ONLY KNOWS.  I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you.  Oh my God, where do you start singing the praises of this masterful amazing song that Paul McCartney himself hailed as the greatest song of all time?  From THE BEACH BOYS massive album PET SOUNDS written by Brian Wilson after he listened to THE BEATLES album RUBBER SOUL (Probably the best Beatles Album of the lot in my opinion) this was the second single which did dismally in the charts in the US but here in the UK peaked at number 2, how it only managed to get there I don’t know as the last sixty seconds of the record are some of the most divine in the history of recorded music and trust me that is no mean understatement.  For me, much as I love “SPEED OF SOUND”, there can be only one and it is THE BEACH BOYS who take the top spot for having recorded the greatest song never to make it to number one in the UK.




Thanks for listening

For those of you interested my next book DEATH OF CELEBRITY will be available soon, although it will probably be September/October time.  See you soon.

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Saturday, 19 May 2012


WHAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSED IN THE AVENGERS: INTERESTING ...VERY INTERESTING!

(THERE BE SPOILERS HERE!!!)
So for those people who are living in a box and have somehow missed it “AVENGERS” or “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE” in the UK is the number one film around the globe.  No surprises there.  And many critics are falling over each other to discuss why it’s been a success, many people pointing out the excellent choice of director, the tight script, the four year build-up and of course the Hulk stealing the show.
What hasn’t been noticed much by the critics is the success of Loki as the villain.  Most critics either don’t give him much thought or are too busy watching explosions to consider that the man who was defeated by only Thor in the movie “THOR” would really be so much trouble to earth’s mightiest heroes in this movie, but, trouble them he does.


Now on first viewing I had to admit I was just as blown away by all the explosions, dynamic performances, exquisite slapstick and Robert Downey jnr’s endless one-liners but on second viewing something else took place.  I started to pay a lot more attention to Loki as played deliciously and devilishly by Tom Hiddleston.  At first as the movie started I was just watching everything exactly the same way I was the first time, but as the movie wore on I started to notice Loki ever more.  As a villain he seemed to be really dashing, infinitely at home in the museum in Germany and uber-graceful as he walked down the staircase, but then switching effortlessly to blatant violence as he reached the bottom of the steps.  As I watched him do that it occurred to me that he reminded me of someone, but at that stage I couldn’t think who?  As the movie wore on and he wound up caged and seemingly powerless, BUT, we all knew that he was actually far from that, again I was convinced he reminded me of another villain, but couldn’t figure who?
But it was the final scene with Loki where I figured it, seeing him in the face mask it all came flooding in, like a raging torrent down a mountain side, rendering a town to rubble ...It was Hannibal Lector, more specifically, Anthony Hopkins terrific Hannibal Lector from “SILENCE OF THE LAMBS” and “HANNIBAL”.
His grace and ease around culture, his ability to switch from grace and beauty to utter barbarism...



...his dialogue to others while in the cell, ESPECIALLY Black Widow is so reminiscent of Hannibal and Clarice in silence...


...and finally the face mask in order that his mouth does not get him out of trouble again.






But if there was ever any doubt I do believe that the pictures do not lie.  Loki may not be Odin’s son, but he is certainly heir apparent to another of Anthony Hopkins greatest screen creations.
As Stan Lee would say, nuff said!
And of course if you haven’t already check out my first novel FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL available on Amazon Kindle.  Many thanks
Mister Chatable.

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Sunday, 29 April 2012


ETHAN BARNES ROTTEN FOURTH FILM THEOREM


So, as you’ve probably gathered from the title of this one, this isn’t one that started as my idea, in fact, when this idea was put to me I wasn’t even sure it was feasible, until I started looking at the numbers.
To be honest I don’t even know what was being dicussed, I think it was Harry Potter when Ethan commented that most fourth films in a sequence were rubbish.  Upon such a general statement I felt that I had to correct such a blanket prejudiced statement and correct his stance, but I couldn’t.  “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” is arguably one of the better books in the series but the lousiest of all the films.  It splits Harry and Ron up, mutilates much of the original text horribly and the best thing about it is the ending.  


Then I thought of other fourth films made.
In Star Wars, the fourth film made is episode 1 and let us not beat around the bush, episode 1 is pants compared to the first three trilogy.  
Even though the third X-Men film was given a critical pasting it is fair to say that compared to “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”, “X-Men III” is a shining beacon of a film that straddles art and blockbuster status effortlessly.


The fourth Bond film made was “Thunderball”, which again, falls into the category of tedious mess, rather than exciting adventure which can’t really hold a candle to the films either side of it, “Goldfinger” and “You Only Live Twice”.



“Superman IV: The Quest for Peace” is one of the most tragic fourth films ever as the special effects budget ran out mid-way through the film leaving it looking like it was shot in a photo-booth.



“Rocky IV” may be commercially successful but I dare anyone to feel anything but cringy watching Rocky tell Gorbachev that people can change bearing in mind the man’s impact on political history.
And let’s not even look at the Batman films which have the rare distinction of having two shit number four films depending on if you count the Adam West “Batman: The Movie” as the first Batman movie (The fourth Batman movie in this case being “Batman Forever”) OR Tim Burton’s Batman as the first (The Fourth film in this case being the even worse “Batman and Robin”).



“Jaws 4: The Revenge” is of course an absolute shocker that nearly ruined Michael Caine’s career and one wonders if it was somebody else’s revenge on him for some crime he’d performed earlier in his career.



Countless horror films have hit problems when they hit 2 or 3 but by the time they hit 4 are virtually all but out of ideas.
The only fourth film I have known that is the exception that is “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”, which only survives this rule s it is the third part of the Kobyoshi Maru trilogy with the next film Star Trek V: the final frontier being the shit one.



So with that in mind why mention this now ...Well.
This year sees two fourth films this summer and they are big blockbusters.  “The Hobbit” and also “The Bourne Legacy”.  Now one would think with all the time and money spent that Hollywood would be able to get it right now but still they falter.



You have been warned!

And of course if you haven’t already check out my first novel FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL available on Amazon Kindle.  Many thanks
Mister Chatable.


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Sunday, 15 April 2012


DON’T REMAKE THAT SHIT, REMAKE THIS SHIT!  TOP FIVE MOVIES I WANT TO SEE REMADE FOR A MODERN AUDIENCE.



So, “Total Recall” is about to be remade and by the look of the trailer it looks, er, exactly like the original, which beggars the question, what’s the point of that?  A remake should, if done well, give something slightly different to the first one, if a good film, or, if a poor film, reinvigorate a previous film to make it a great film ...The finest example of this being “The Thing” (what a film?!)  Now, like many people I am sick of seeing bad remakes either tarnish the spirit of the first film, add nothing to a previously well made effort (“Spider-man” this summer anybody?) or even destroy it utterly (The seventies version of “The Lady Vanishes”).  So here are the films that I think are close enough, but no cigar to merit being remade with one film that is so far off the radar that nobody would even see it coming.  And I will warn you all now, all the trailers you are about to watch ...are SHIT!

5.  HOOPER
The tale of an ageing stuntman worried he is about to be replaced by a younger more in your face version of himself may not seem like the ideal film to be remade for a modern audience but this was one of those films that when made was little more than a plot-line on which to loosely hang a load of cool stunt clips, it was Burt Reynolds, to some degree, going through the motions which lead to a film that was okay, but, could have been so much more.  If it were being remade I’d have Sylvester Stallone in the title role in a heartbeat to add pathos and tragedy to a tale of the sorrowful process of aging that wouldn’t just be about a load of car chases, sky diving and bar-fights but would be about the rigours of age the fear of death and the realisation of becoming obsolete



4.  THEY LIVE.
John Carpenter lost his normal manly-muse of Kurt Russell for this film and instead has to make do with a mullett-wearing Rowdy Roddy Piper and sadly, it’s just not the same.  I’ve always thought that this was one of John Carpenter’s finest and most intelligent films that leaves us questioning the world around us and as such was a brave film to bring out that even now, once seen, will make you question every single bit of advertising you see, every manipulative show on the box and every poster for utter tat that you don’t need.  When you consider that this was made at the end of the consumer-rampant eighties is even more startling.  For the modern audience I think this would be prime material for a makeover with a Robert Downey jnr or Sam Rockwell in the main frame as the man for whom the modern day world just doesn’t add-up if it’s gonna be a more serious version, Dwayne Johnson if its gonna keep its fun!.



3.  FLASH GORDON
Let’s face facts.  This is a no-fucking-brainer.  The later cartoons of the original Alex Raymond artwork are some of the most amazing cartoons ever created; dynamic flawless art-deco styled creations that even now, almost eighty years on are just as stunning as when originally created.  The original credits for the 80’s Flash Gordon film showcase this artwork fantastically alongside Queen’s stunning opening song, BUT, unfortunately that just makes you realise more what an utter disappointment the rest of the film is.  The acting ranges from the bizarre, to the serious to the utter ridiculousness.  This is a source material that is crying out for someone to figure out a way to make it better.  I have heard that there was recently a television effort to remake Flash but apparently that was even worse than the 80’s version.  So come on Hollywood, do a good job of what should be one of the greatesr space soap operas ever to see the big screen.




2.  THE ABOMINABLE DOCTOR PHIBES
A camp classic.  This is a cult seventies film much loved by those who have seen it, to those that haven’t it’s a shit film starring Vincent Price with a weird title, but the tale of a Doctor who seeks vengeance on the surgeons he blames for his wife’s death for me is just crying out to be remade BUT not without losing the spirit of fun of the original that was the heart of the movie.  These days it would be all too easy to focus solely on horror as in the "Saw" mode, when an approach not akin to both "Scream" and "Final Destination" would be a far wiser path.  In the title role of Doctor Phibes it is fair to say that there are few actors who could bring that camp madness to life again ...Save one, the world’s greatest living actor ...Johnny Depp is “THE ABOMINABLE DOCTOR PHIBES” BWA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA!


And finally the number one film I’d like to see remade is one I can barely remember but cannot get to see, it is one I can guarantee that most of you who read my blog will never have heard of and yet I cannot imagine a better end to this round-up and so ladies and gentlemen, the final film that should be remade is...
  1. LE MAGNIFIQUE.
What the fuck is “Le Magnifique”? you may ask.  Well I’ll tell you.  Le Magnifique is the tale of a dishevelled French writer who’s super-cool spy alter-ego is influenced by the characters and people in his life.  We see him when things go well in his fantasy world as the suave, all-knowing secret agent, but when things are bad, well, then the fantasy versions of the spy are anything but cool.  This ancient French film starring Jean-Paul Belmondo seems like one of those that is crying out to be remade and reimagined for the modern audience as it is one of those that is a good idea not quite realised as good as could be.  

You would need to get someone in the title role who could play super-suave, handsome and macho and at the same time, ridiculous and humorous with a terrific sense of comic timing which, for me, seems ideal Bradley Cooper territory.  As for the women who would fit for the Jacqueline Bisset role, well that’s a difficult one, it would depend on the chemistry with said Mr Cooper but you’d be looking at anyone from Megan Fox to Hayley Atwell, someone who can exude raw sex appeal a la Marilyn Monroe but at the same time create a real sense of vulnerability.  But if you doubt any of my casting decisions do check out the trailers to see if you agree, disagree with my decisions.
And of course if you haven’t already check out my first novel FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL available on Amazon Kindle.  Many thanks
Mister Chatable.

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