Can I say that I really enjoyed the book and can't wait to read the next one!

Course you can, Nikki.  In fact, I will use that as an endorsement.

I said I would and I am, there it is, right at the top and I’m delighted with such positive feedback.  Of course such a warm and generous review deserves a BIG thank you and so here it is...

THANK YOU!

But the thing I found most interesting in Nikki’s words were the end ones.

“Can’t wait to read the next one!”

So with that in mind and for my regular readers who have been so kind with being the first people to sample my literary talents over a scope longer than a few pages I give you a sample of what is coming over the next few years.  The delicious fruits you will be sampling and the worlds you will be visiting, both mortal and ethereal.  It’s been a hell of an interesting year but I tell you this in the best way possible...

THE UNIVERSE IS EXPANDING!

Enjoy!

Titles for next year

DEATH OF CELEBRITY

Kevin Abernathy is a detective among the 83% of the populace who believe a movie version of his life would not be successful, however, unlike well over 99% of the populace, he was one of the few detectives who was assigned to finding a killer whose identity seemed to elude the police as much as the name of their next victim.  The second part of “THE DEATH OF CELEBRITY” trilogy looks at a culture whose merits are as elusive as meaning and asks the question is it possible to become part of everything you hate and stay true to yourself?

Detective Inspector Kevin Abernathy will be your guide through 2 years of mistakes, triumphs, tears and telephone voting.     

CHRISTMAS IN HELL

Jim Morgan is a man who has reached the end of his journey.  His life a catalogue of failures and near misses, the last of which cost a young girl her life.  Blaming himself and desperate for a way to escape dreams and visions that will not abate, Jim decides to take his life, his atheist beliefs allowing him to rest easy in the knowledge that their will be nothing to hurt him once he is dead.

HE IS WRONG.

Upon arrival in Hell Jim is informed his last six months of misery was the result of a wager between heaven and hell with the earth in the balance, but  those upstairs have one more throw of the dice, a double or quits gambit with the fate of the universe hanging on the decisions of one man.  Shown lives that he could never have experienced or known, even if he’d lived, he is faced with choices and moral dichotomies that he could not imagine with the lives of others weighing on his shoulders.  

Over six weeks Jim Morgan has to come to terms with who he is and the fact that whoever you are, whoever you become you can’t escape from who you are, and home really is where the heart is.

The four part trilogy:

Two Men meet in an Elevator

Two Men meet in a restaurant

Two Men meet at a precipice

Two Men meet at a Crossroads

Two men meet on the same day in a lift, both are heading to collect their rollover winnings from the lottery.  One is there for 38 million from Saturday’s draw, the other for an eight week rollover on the Euro’s of 98 million.  They agree to meet afterwards at the pub to discuss their plans and decide to to meet in exactly a years time to see how the money has changed their lives.  

Over the course of the next four years they meet four more times routinely, but although one rises to seemingly another plane of human experience the other plumbs the depths of human depravity, their paths during the years cross time and again, because, when you’ve got that much money at your fingertips, the people that you know became strangely similar, even if the path you choose varies widely.

Their mirrored lives and unknown conflicts are explored as each years pushes them ever further apart, but at the same time, ever closer together.

The Return of Marco Polo

The final Part of THE DEATH OF CELEBRITY TRILOGY.  Detective Kevin Abernathy is called to a new case, a Lord found dead in a secret room surrounded by previously lost treasures, including the fourth flag and the largest tablet of “Medicine”, but one treasure is missing, one plinth that bears the header ‘MARCO POLO”.  

The search for both the killer and the treasure reveals the joys of a secret world and shows how in spite of everything we think we are, the trust is we are all collectors and we are all geeks.

AND FINALLY . . .

The title of the the last of the next 8 books is a treat within itself but the subject of which I am keeping a closely guarded secret.

Gunshots and Peppercorns.

So, I look forward to seeing you all and reading your comments in the next few years, plus of course with the various blogs here I will be keeping you up to date with all my thoughts adventures and stories.


BUT, there was another reason why I wanted to do this blog and I completely and utterly forgot.  For the furious five readers that have indulged me so far I wanted there to be a way for them to ask questions (No spoilers please) and for me to answer them, SO, for those who have read my first story and have any questions please use the comments box at the bottom and I will answer them as best I can because your questions and responses on the journey I'm about to take are all important at this time.  Even if you haven't bought the book yet but have questions please feel free to use this comments box as I will be re-posting this link for questions in the future.

The first book FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL by MIKE LAMBERT & ZOE LAMBERT is still available on Amazon Kindle for £2.29.

Many thanks and look forward to your questions.

Mister Chatable.

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THE SIXTH (YES IT IS SIXTH!) IN AN OCCASIONAL SERIES OF FORGOTTEN FILMS THAT SHOULD BE REMEMBERED AND THIS ONE IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE (Except that it isn’t . . . Oh, you know me!  You know I’ll explain!  A treat for my regular readers!)

So here we are with number sixth in my increasingly regular series of FORGOTTEN FILMS THAT SHOULD BE REMEMBERED and it’s another comedy from the eighties, a decade that started so well for film comedies but would wind-up increasingly making instantly forgettable films that would go all too quickly to video, but it is criminal that one of the greatest films of all time that shows, in fantastic fashion, the differences between men and women (both the good and the bad) should almost fall into this category.  It’s the film that made Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan into stars, before she went bonkers and plastic and everything.  In a decade where, by the end of it, comedies rarely got bums on seats or an Oscar nomination (Woody Allen had gone more Comedy-Drama at this stage) this got both.  You know what it is, I know what it is, in fact you could say “It had to be you” ladies and gentlemen, I present the case for “WHEN HARRY MET SALLY”.

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (1989)

So if you’ve been hiding away for the last 20 odd years "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY" is the story of Harry Burns and Sally Albright.  Sally is about to start a new life as a very young woman in New York, Harry is about to do the same.  As the film commences we witness their completely diverging views on the however many mile trip it is, I don’t know.  Anyway, what becomes clear very quickly is Harry wants to sleep with Sally (cause young guys wanna sleep with everyone) and she doesn’t.  Skip forward five years and they meet again this time they’re both in relationships (Harry about to get married) and they go their separate ways.  Skip forward five years and Sally’s separated and Harry is in the process of getting divorced and Harry is forced to face the dilemma that he addresses at the start of the film and that I forgot to mention . . . Can men and women be friends or does sex always get in the way?

For me this was a milestone film as it was the first film I saw three times at the cinema, the last time with a good friend of mine, Phillip Johnstone, (Phil, wherever you might be . . . hope you’re doing okay) and the third viewing was around Christmas time, and that, combined with the fact that there are two Christmas’ and two new years mean I always see this as a Christmas-y film.  Billy Crystal gives the best performance of his career as the secretly optimistic, in-spite-of-himself, Harry Burns, and Meg Ryan is adorable as the hopelessly in-control Sally, who seems to be the model for all retentive in-control women in comedy roles ever since.  The chemistry between the two of them is amazing and it is perhaps this as much as anything that allows us to get so sucked into their budding friendship/romance because in so many films on-screen chemistry is vital, and never more so than in romantic comedies and yet so often it is missing.  I’m sure you’ve seen many a film where you think “As if they would go out with them?” or just plain “What?”  But in this film both characters are able to stand their ground and hold their own without ever taking anything away from their co-star.  The performances are exemplary.

The script (with many shades of Annie Hall) manages to stay on the right side of it without us ever feeling that bits were borrowed.  In fact it is a great compliment that I give to Nora Ephron in saying that she manages to capture the feel of Woody Allen perfectly without ever stealing anything in what is an almost perfect comedy script.  Rob Reiner completes the quartet of stellar turns as the films director (completing a stunning run of films starting with “THIS IS SPINAL TAP” and then onto “THE PRINCESS BRIDE”, “WHEN HARRY MET SALLY”, “MISERY” and “A FEW GOOD MEN”.  What a run!) and he weaves all the elements together so well that it creates one of those rare films that is so honest and so real in its observations that we almost don’t feel like we’re watching a movie.  Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher do great jobs as the best friends of Harry and Sally respectively and also provide one of the best touches of the film with Bruno Kirby’s improving wardrobe and style as the film progresses due to the influence of his partner.

The sad thing about this film over time is that it has become known best for that one scene (YOU KNOW!) and it is the one moment that most people know even though within the film there are probably equal or even better moments that are funnier, more touching and better written, but it’s that one that gets the plaudits.  Recently I saw this film on sale in Home Bargains on DVD for a mere £2.99 and I couldn’t help but feel that this was a crime as the movie has so much to say about the relations between men and women and yet now is just another movie, so to finish I’m not gonna have that scene, I’m gonna have what is for me, a better scene.  Dear readers, please enjoy.

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MY SISTER, KATH, IS KEVIN SMITH

(BE WARNED -  THERE ARE SPOILERS TO “STAND BY ME”, HERE)

You know, life’s weird sometimes.  Take tonight for instance.  Right now I’m supposed to be finishing my excellent and thorough post on why the banks have learnt nothing since 2008, but I can’t . . . Really, I just can’t.  And why is this?  Well I’ll tell you.

In 1994 the above Mister Smith decided that the movies being made today were all shit and that he could do a better job, so taking a black and white camera, filming at the convenience store where he worked and maxing out a number of credit cards he made the black and white cult hit “CLERKS”.  Said film became a festival hit and was later distributed by Miramax to modest success.  He was then picked up to make a much bigger film and so wrote and directed “MALLRATS” (1995) which, while funny in parts, feels at times more like a collection of funny ideas rather than a joined together whole.  One critic pointed this out and said that the best things in the film where when Kevin Smith was addressing the audience with something personal to say.  Mr Smith Started work on “CHASING AMY” that night.

"CHASING AMY" is one of my favourite films of the nineties.  It stars Ben Affleck before he became a star and really showcased Jason Lee’s magnificent comic timing.  It also has some of my favourite scripted moments in any film and is a joyous feast for any fan of film dialogue with so many great lines that I couldn’t even pick a favourite but I’m forced to, so, although the monologue in the car is GREAT, the black-rage scene is AWESOME (as is the Jaws scene, the Jay and Silent Bob bit, etc etc) I’m gonna pick “You’re a tracer” as the moment to share with you.

You see the thing that separates "CHASING AMY" from so many other films is that you feel that the film-maker is making something that feels immensely personal.  We feel like we are looking into their world, that they’re bringing us into what they are and who they are and because it all feels so true and accurate we feel privileged that we’ve been allowed this peek in.

Which brings me to tonight.

Like I said I should be writing about how the banks haven’t learnt anything but I had a personal moment where I was let into someone’s world and so I have to comment on that instead.

3 years ago a close friend of my sister took her own life.  I can’t write about or talk about it without feeling upset myself, so lord knows how my sister feels.  But tonight, to some degree, she brought that across and she did it doing what she does best . . . She did it within a film review.  

“STAND BY ME” based on “The Body” from the Stephen King collection of short (ish) stories “DIFFERENT SEASONS (Which also features “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption” . . . How good was Stephen King around this time?) is a great film.  It’s funny, moving, touching, uplifting and tragic, pretty much everything life is really, and as it was showing at her cinema she went to see it.  Recently she has faced criticism from some people for going on about the personal side of seeing the movies and other connected issues, now, I like this.  Kath isn’t some reviewer getting paid to sit in a cinema with loads of other critics churning out exactly the same reviews as everyone else, she is a paying customer and I think the reviews should reflect this, BUT, recent films have been more austere, and I feel like Kath’s best reviews are when she has something personal to say (The 8 Harry Potter films on her website are a SUPERB example of this).  Tonight not only did she have something personal to say but her review brought me to tears.  It covers the film superbly, it’s emotional impact on her as a teenager to how it shaped her into the great person she is fantastic and the parallel between Gordie and Chris’ friendship and the tragic end to her own friendship with Maz is just perfect.

It is the “IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE” of film reviews and for those people who regularly read my blog, if you’ve seen the film please take a look, you won’t regret it.

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“I finally had something personal to say.”

Good night, y’all.

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DEATH OF CELEBRITY

So, many people have been asking me (well three, but that's a lot for me!) what my writing style for my novels is actually like, and sometimes it's hard to explain.  Obviously there was a free sample of the first page on my blog and on the Kindle site it gives you a couple of chapters but for those people who still aren't sure here is a taste of my future writing for the above book later in the year, which I would guess as being grisly but gripping.

ENJOY!

May 1st 

10 years earlier.

  “Sounds of screams heard 14 Markham Road.  Can the nearest unit report to check it out?” buzzed the radio.  
  Kevin had drawn the short straw today and been sent to get the lunches from KFC.  There were three nearer ones to the station but the one at Wickham Walls had the best gravy and chicken of the lot AND you could give phone orders there.  It never ceased to baffle Kevin how a restaurant that was a chain with a strict recipe for all its goods could have such differences between branches.  

  His partner next to him was only six months out of training and was still a mixture of perky optimism one minute and Serpico the next.  In ten years time he wouldn’t even remember the guys name as the memory of the day was overtaken by the events about to occur.  They drove down only three roads to get to the house.  

  Kevin felt nervous before he’d even entered the house.  In future recollections he told himself he knew something was wrong, but in reality it was exactly the same kind of nerves he felt every time he heard that someone was under threat.  The door to the house was open and no sound coming from inside where only moments earlier screams had been reported.  Kevin’s stomach tightened and his left fist clenched as he rested his right on his baton.  Kevin took the lead down the path, past the garden with kid’s toys, well-played, still out.  They would not know play again.

  The first thing Kevin noticed was the blood as his eyes scanned through the hall.  The carpet was sopping.  The trail led to the stairs, where the boy was face down with no visible wounds to his back.  Kevin’s veins chilled.  He couldn’t have been more than seven or eight and time had tricked him into thinking there would be years of his life to go.  Kevin put his hand to his neck, careful not to step in his blood either through respect or to preserve the scene, he still couldn’t figure out which it was, but no pulse could be found.

  “ANYONE HERE?” Kevin shouted, his voice breaking on the H.  The silence echoed back from the empty bedrooms as upstairs gave its chilling reply.  Then from downstairs a tiny cough came from the front room.  Kevin felt his eyes go wide at the timid sound.

  “GET AN AMBULANCE HERE, NOW!” shouted Kevin to his young colleague who nodded and ran back to the car clearly relieved not to have to go into the desolate scene any further as his perkiness was forever removed.  Kevin of course never lost his, having had it taken from him years earlier.

  He pushed the door open as gently as he could, his eyes again drawn to the blood on the the carpet.  He turned his head as he entered the living room, past the television, past the fireplace and there on the sofa sat as though they were still watching TV sat, what Kevin assumed, was the boy’s parents, unmoving.  When he first saw the Dad he couldn’t tell if he’d been shot or stabbed as a single dark wound to his left eye was the only mark on him, 'cept for the trail down his front where he’d bled out.  The wife however was a different matter.  Her chest was covered in so many stab wounds that it was hard to tell she was a woman.  A huge slash across her neck being what had seemingly stopped her from assisting her son.

  Kevin turned to look at the dining room and finally found the source of the cough.  Kevin ran the short distance to a small girl rubbing her fingers against the patio windows as though trying to claw her way out.  As he turned her over he noticed she had a stab wound in her stomach matching the one on her back.  She stared straight at him, her eyes going wide in terror, her arms having barely the strength to flail him away, before she finally fixed on his face.

  “Easy, easy, I’m here to help, shh!” said Kevin as he bent down close to her.  The little girl calmed and gently placed one hand on his epaulette, before letting her final breath escape and slumping to the floor.

  “NOO!” Kevin screamed, immediately commencing CPR till the ambulance arrived.  They had to drag him away as he refused to give her up.  Still being in uniform he could have nothing to do with the investigation directly, but while he and his colleague waited for the CID to show up Kevin scoured the house for clues, anything that stood out as unusual.  The door was open but there was no sign of forced entry, meaning the family may have known their attacker, the killer upon leaving walked out of the patio doors, leaving a trail of blood and washing it in the tiny garden pool before leaving via a doorway to a back ginnel, he knew what he was doing and this seem to be very well planned.  From his own shoe size (nines) he was able to surmise that the killer wore a size ten, there was some kind of trace under the wife’s nails and she may have taken a chunk of her killer with her.  When the detectives arrived and he saw it was Tash, he just handed over his notebook and said...

  “Find him!” said Kevin.

  “I will” replied Tash.

  But they never did.

  He’d speculated with Tash endlessly over who would and could have killed an entire family.  The brutality of the attack, particularly on the wife indicated it was personal and someone really wanted to hurt them; closer examination of the family’s biology found that both the son and daughter were not related to the Dad.  Speculation that the mother was having an affair was a lead that was quickly followed and almost as immediately quashed as they discovered that the father was infertile, tough luck that but way it goes they guessed.  After that he and his wife had sought a ...contribution from a sperm bank.  The donor was anonymous.  A TV appeal for news on anyone who may have contributed to that clinic brought a few new leads but no match for the trace found at the scene.

  As the case became cold and no further similar attacks were noted it became pretty obvious that whoever had done this had disappeared into thin air.  While Kevin had progressed finally to the Detective ranks Tash became withdrawn.  Soon after he was diagnosed with the one cancer that men don’t talk about, prostate cancer, he had to retire early and thankfully, for the bureaucrats in Whitehall, didn’t last long to get much of a pension.
  Kevin never gave up on the case long after it had given up yielding any further secrets to him.  That was the way it went some times.  Over the years he'd interviewed numerous callous psychopaths who treated the police with nothing but disdain as if THEY were fine and everyone else had the problem, responding almost glibly with "No comment"as you destroyed their alibi's and placed them at the scene.  But those guys always struck again because they didn't feel anything, this guy clearly felt something, this guy clearly felt A LOT.   
  These events were the catalyst for Kevin to become the detective he was; to get the guys who shed their skin of evil at the crime scene and exited to live a shiny new life in the sun.


My earlier volume FREE AT LOST: A NOVEL is still available on Amazon.com and .co.uk for $2.99 and £2.29 respectively, enjoy.


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THE BEST WAY TO DEVELOP A WINNING MENTALITY

Ten years ago the premiership was a very different place, but in some ways, it was exactly the same.  Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger were managers of two of the top clubs in england, Liverpool were in the process of trying to rebuild a winning team and ..well that's about it really.  Everything else is different.

Well, there is one more noticeable difference . . . Arsenal were winning stuff. In the five years previous to 2001 they'd been runners-up five times but had been winners on four occasions. They had a taste for it and even though two of those bits of silverware were community shields it didn't matter, they were happy to win it.

Arsene was a well respected manager and his opponents held him in high regard. Over the next five years however wenger would exceed his previous achievements with ease.  While his team were still runners-up a further four times they also won SEVEN more pieces of silverware.  They were invincible in the league in 03/04 and were amazing to watch, BUT THEN, the worst thing that could've happened to Arsene Wenger happened, and it wasn't that Thierry Henry left.  No.  It was that they were losing finalists in the champions league.  

It wasn't just the fact that they lost that seemed to hurt Wenger, it was the manner of the loss. The match was killed off by the referee in the first few minutes and lead to arguably one of the worst champions league finals ever.  Wenger seemed to become a man possessed, they would win that trophy . . . At ANY cost, and boy has it cost, because since then a strange pattern has emerged, a pattern that arsenal fans are all too familiar with and it's a pattern that one could argue has cost them some of their best players over the last twelve months.  

The pattern starts with arsenal on dazzling form, charging up the league table, their best players all working in sync and even the subs all understanding and playing their part.  Then, along comes something decidedly unimportant ...like a Carling or FA cup match (????) and so he fields his younger team to give them experience (Experience?  Of what? Losing?) and they do wind up losing, sometimes badly, sometimes it's closer, but still they lose, and after this their entire season collapses.  

It is a pattern that has repeated itself so many times that Arsenal fans must dread when certain games loom into view. Even this year after their worst start in decades they still managed to go on a twelve match unbeaten run only to have a young team be beaten by city in the quarter final of the Carling cup.  Now to me, watching this is baffling, especially with footballers being such a traditionally superstitious bunch. When you're on a winning streak to purposely upset that with a loss seems counter-productive at best and career suicide at worst.

The one thing that wenger seems to have forgotten is that the best way for a big team like arsenal (and in spite of their identity problems they are still a big team) to develop a winning mentality is by actually winning stuff. His consistant bad attitude to the carling and FA cups in order to chase the big prizes has left them trophyless as their winning streaks are continually stopped by their own manager. When united went trophy-less for one season (04-05) and it seemed like Fergie had lost his way, he purposely went all out to win the Carling cup and after that went on to win a further FOUR league titles, THREE carling cups FOUR community shields, the european cup and the FIFA world club cup.  

Fergie knows the value of winning when you're struggling to win. A trophy with little value is still more valuable than no trophy at all.

Arsenal are only ever going to escape the shadow of their own need for beautiful football when they become ugly enough to win again.


Thanks for reading, reading my blog, yeah, hope you liked and read some of the earlier posts, and please remember my first book FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL is still available on Amazon Kindle at £2.29 for UK customers and $2.99 for US customers.  Thanks everyone.  YEAH!

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There'll be sad songs to make you cry. 

Er . . . And to make you . . . Happy. 

And that's really were this one starts from. It is true that there are a bucketful of songs that are sad, sound sad and make you feel sad, like . . . “Crying” by Roy Orbison or “Are you lonesome tonight”, one of my favourites that one and Elvis’ voice as he says the word “LIED” aw, immaculate!  And perhaps the greatest sad song of all and one that still makes me cry to this day ...”Puff the magic dragon” (I tell you, if I ever catch up with that little shit jackie piper . . . )

I don't know who thinks that, that . . . Dragon song is suitable for children, because it's really not. But the point is that these sad songs make people cry and that's the point of sad songs, right? Well, the more I started to think about it, no. You see I started flicking other sad songs through my head and many of the ones I came up with where either ones we all love to hear or where incredibly cheery.

For example . . . I think i'm gonna be sad, I think it's today YEAH, the girl that's driving me mad is going away, YEAH is as good a place as any to start. The lyrics to this song are miserable as hell, bitter, nasty, resentful, and yet as soon as I hear those opening notes i'm like "OH YEAH!" and it's not the only one.

MAMA, JUST KILLED A MAN, well, this can't end . . . Er, well. And yet it does. It does just that, because by the time you get to NOTHING REALLY MATTERED TO ME, ANYWAY THE WIND BLOWS, BWAH!  You can guarantee you're in a good mood.

And as for this next one, it is mind blowing to me how much of a feel-good song this is considering the subject matter (like “Ticket to Ride”) is so bleak!  It’s about a guy who you feel happy for, sad for and by the end of it ashamed for and yet, AND YET . . . I deny most people to stop feeling good when they hear the beginning of this transatlantic million selling monster...(Funny picture though. Ha ha!)

But perhaps the strangest of the bunch is the one that started this entire sad song journey recently and started me thinking just how weird it is how our feelings can be so twisted by music when the lyrics are so down!  It is a song that countless couples across the world have danced to AT THEIR WEDDINGS!  It is a song that famously features as a cheery end bit to one of the funniest films ever and I can’t believe I missed how depressing the lyrics were.  It is of course “BUILD ME UP, BUTTERCUP”.  The song is meant to feel like a cheery little love ditty but the lyrics are anything but that.  Here’s a sample

I'll be over at ten  You tell me time and again  But you're late  I wait around and then  I went to the door  I can't take any more  It's not you  You let me down again

Why do you build me up (Build me up)  Buttercup baby just to  let me down (Let me down)  And mess me around

And perhaps the clincher...

If you'd just let me know  Although you're untrue  I'm attracted to you  All the more  Why do I need you so Baby Baby.....

Just awful.  Clearly this guy is hung up on someone that just doesn’t feel a fucking thing for them, and yet there everyone is, bopping around at a wedding like it’s the happiest story in the world of disinterest and infidelity.

So, on that bombshell, I will let you all feel better to what may be the worst cheery song of all time.  TAKE IT, FOUNDATIONS!

And after fantastic feedback from my first purchasers I would also like to point out that FREE AT LAST: A NOVEL is still available on Amazon Kindle in both the UK and the US for both £2.29 and $2.99 respectively (**** you, VAT!)


Thanks for reading.

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